i just wanna go where i can get some space

i was having a really long conversation with a friend on the train ride home about clutter that started with me bringing up my drawer of things at home that i keep telling myself that i'm going to "make into art one day," but am slowly realizing are destined to spend their lives in said drawer. this all kind of coincided with me watching my first episode of hoarders, after which i cleaned out that entire drawer.

i made the pants, the sweater is f21, and the shoes are thrifted. why is the girl who's literally the most irresponsible human being on the surface of the planet earth wearing all white???

we talked about how it might have something to do with the theory that you're more creative in cluttered spaces because it stimulates your mind and makes you create unexpected connections between objects. but that kind of requires you to maintain a certain amount of organized, teetering on the edge level of clutter, because at a certain point i physically can't work in that environment and i start panic cleaning. 

it seemed like on hoarders, i saw a distinction between people who hoarded plastic bags, receipts, food wrappers, and things that they couldn't bring themselves to throw away for whatever reason; and people who hoarded novelties, dolls, vintage items. of course i'm not claiming to have hoarding disorder, but a small part of me still secretly hopes that i'll fill my spaces up with this cool eccentric stuff and  then become unrealistically famous, and have my room or whatever turned into a museum.  i'm 100% aware that no one really cares, and what do i plan to do about all this stuff in the space between now and then, but i'm also wondering if this thought is just me or like the general human desire to want to leave something behind. 

maybe it's also just  an affliction for all teenage girls who "want to make things," and are constantly looking for a source of inspiration or something to transform. mentally, i'm torn between the equally unattainable poles of a maximalism in which the fullness of the space would fold onto itself and become art of its own, if that's even possible, and a minimalism which i guess in pop culture terms is the yoko ono to the former's tavi gevinson? 

if i'm going to let myself spill out, i should probably admit that i'm even a little afraid that this post (this blog?) is just another form of clutter that i'm creating on the internet. not like in an incredibly self-loathing way (i think that my opinions are at least a little interesting), just in an "everything that can be said has been said more eloquently" etc way. 

idk idk idk, you guys are smart, what do you think? what are your personal experiences w clutter?

-=-

kanyinsola

1: rooms via

2: mediate / douglas hueber

3: watercolor sketchbook / olafur eliasson

4: via